November 28, 2012

• no title – just… just…

  somewhere within ourselves we reach out and search out for – what are essentially, to each individual, comforts which in some fashion soothe our soul (providing you have one, not everyone does, or if they do, they’ve possibly become so burdened and lost that the rest of us aren’t certain what we are seeing.)

  i started to write this down in a stenograph pad – the kind that has the wire ring thing on the top.  i usually like these a lot -i know there are four or five scattered about the house.  but this one i’ve just started to write in – is very thin and when i hold it in my hand i can feel the contour of my hand holding it in place as a i write.  i’m not wild about this feeling.  i bought it in a cvs – and am now wondering if i’m not better served to go and find another pad.  i’m writing on the go you see, well not really on the go, i’m not driving and writing.  i’m parked in front of the cvs and just jotting these notions down – between drop off and pick-up for my kid’s soccer practice.

  some of her friends have earned their driver’s licenses.  a wonderful accomplishment in and of itself – but of course the parent part becomes protective to the vulnerabilities (perceived or real) of a young woman given the opportunity to venture freely about her local realms.  more on this later. 

  but what did i buy in the cvs – and what does it reveal about what i’m seeking at the moment?

  i recently made the following purchases -  the notepad and pen were first and what i initially went into the store for.  i wanted to sit and write.  i’ve already found another pen – the first one i bought just didn’t feel right and i didn’t like the way way the ink flowed from the point. and the pad was too thin for my liking – but now i’m writing on an arm rest, well, actually now i’m typing… so the current pad worked – i got those ideas down and out – and it was better than driving to the next place and searching for ?  searching for what?

  so i also bought some animal crackers.  the box kind.  with the string across the top – and the carnival images – yup, i’m a 45 year old guy who digs him some animal crackers on occasion and eats them up just finely.  oreo’s – double stuff – i bought these as a reward for my daughter as a treat for after soccer practice.  (pause – i’m snacking on a cracker or two right now) a zebra and to be exact and now a large ape. i bought a dvd copy of ‘golden eye’ for $6.99 – i figured when i got bored of writing i could slip into the backseat and watch me some ‘bond – james bond.’  it was really the best movie option that i saw at the checkout – yeah and i bought it…  oh, right before that i bought a coke – but it’s just sitting there as i drink water i got from a starbucks a few minutes before to wash down my snack crackers.

  a consumer – yes.  a passenger – yes.  just trying to take a breathe in this life thing – it goes by so quickly – we sometimes forget.  maybe just to watch, to watch how fast – quickly in reality or our perception of reality – and just sitting here alone with a pad and a pen (well it was two pens – i chucked the first one on the floor of the truck) with some fine snack crackers and now appropriately so, on the radio – nirvana playing david bowie’s ‘the man who sold the world’

  ‘who knows…

  not me…’

  • 12:47 am
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